My Notes from the "Purpose is the Only Choice" Online Retreat

This weekend I attended an online retreat with David Hoffmeister, Frances Xu, and others from the Living Miracles community, and it was a very powerful experience for me. Not only am I going through a transition at the moment in my life (getting ready to embark on a new phase of Spirit-led travels - see last post), but I've been praying for a deeper experience of what Purpose really means. This retreat was an answer to my prayer.



The weekend started off with a beautiful and intimate session with Frances Xu, in which she shared from her own experience and opened it up for others to share as well. Some of my favorite take-aways from this session were as follows (each point below is a combination of what was actually said plus the insights I gained from this):

Session one with Frances

1. Our mind's creative power is active ALL the time. It never sleeps. It is therefore important to watch the mind carefully in every moment, for it is always using its power to align with and extend the Truth, or to multiple illusions. The difference between these two purposes in our experience is the difference between Heaven and hell.

2. It is necessary to become as honest as I can about my own egoic motivations and purposes in every moment, as subtle as they may seem. For example, when I'm not happy in what I'm doing, it's helpful to ask myself why I'm doing it. "Am I doing this to please somebody, to gain approval, to ensure that I'll still be loved?" Just acknowledging and being honest with ourselves about our underlying motivations is how the healing process begins.

This is, in fact, what the mind-training of A Course in Miracles is for. Jesus says, "The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance." And the only way to allow those blocks to be removed is by first allowing them to be seen and accepted. It's helpful, for example, to admit, "Yes, right now I'm very much wanting to make sure that so-and-so will remain happy with me. That is my purpose at the moment."

This is akin to the first step of all 12-step programs: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable." In our terms we could say "We admitted we were powerless over our egoic desire for approval—that our lives had become unmanageable." Only by taking this first step of exposing the problem exactly as it is can we then open up to accepting Holy Spirit's Help.

3. Just relax! Only in a relaxed state can we hear everything we need to hear from Spirit. Yet we generally take this spiritual journey way too seriously, as if we have to personally "get it right". In the Course, Jesus makes it clear that our tiny part is merely to have "a little willingness". And when Frances invited us all to just relax and let go of any seriousness or pressure we may have been putting ourselves, I realized something profound: that relaxing is HOW I can give my little willingness to the Spirit! So long as I'm tense and trying to figure something out or "get it right", I'm actually usurping His function. Relaxing is mine!

Incidentally, "Just Relax" was the title of the first song I was Guided to write ten years ago when I was going through a similar phase. And I need to hear it now just as much as I did back then. Listening to it again now, I am reminded of how simple this journey really is: my willingness to relax is truly ALL that is being asked of me.




Session two with David

As I shared in a recent Facebook post, there were two main take-aways I got from this very powerful session with David:

1. That purpose is in and of the mind. It has nothing to do with the body or form of any kind.

What it means to me is that whenever I'm asking the question, "What should I do?" or "What is my purpose on this earth?", I'm actually caught on the ego's playing field already. My question should actually be, "What is my purpose in the mind?" This question can serve to redirect my attention back to the fact that I am not the body but the mind; the dreamer of the dream. And as the dreamer, I only have one of two choices to choose between: I can either fall asleep and use the dream to reinforce the belief that I am a body, or I can let Holy Spirit awaken me from the dream by forgiving all the symbols I perceive.

On this topic, I was also reminded by something David said regarding the disappearance of the universe. This is where it's all leading, because the "physical universe" was merely a projection of the ego, made to keep the mind asleep. Awakening leads first to a happy dream in which the dream is SEEN as a dream, and then to the permanent revelatory experience in which the dream disappears once and for all!

So the question becomes, am I willing to let the dream (and myself as a body) disappear? Am I willing to let it all go?

If not, it's good to look at what I'm still valuing here. Not to beat myself up over it, but simply to become aware of the problem exactly as it is (again, like the first step). Awareness of the problem is always the first step to becoming free of it.

2. The second major take-away I got was regarding transparency and how important that is. Transparency with the Spirit. Not hiding anything. Allowing my dark thoughts to arise and be exposed in His Light. This is related to the "Technique to end all techniques" audio post I recorded, which helped me through a morning of deep darkness I was stuck in recently...




Session 3 with David (Movie session)

For the third session of the retreat, David showed us the movie "Illusion", which I HIGHLY recommend if you haven't seen it (and if you have, you should watch it again)!
Here's a trailer...



This movie brought up some deep emotions for me, and it again brought me to the question I mentioned above... am I willing to disappear? Am I willing to let the movie of my life end? If not, why not? Am I identified with it? And if so, is that identification worth the cost of being unaware of my true Identity which it was made to replace?

Deep questions...

After the movie, David really emphasized the need to put our full focus on Enlightenment Now... to really go for it! To not hold back! To put our full heart into it! It really stirred my heart when he began talking this way, and I realized how much I needed to hear that. I've been so caught up in trying to be a good person, even a good "spiritual person" that I'd forgotten how deeply I want to transcend personhood all together!

Final Session with David and a panel of others

Okay, I took a lot of notes during this session, because my mind was just exploding with insights the whole time! Some of these notes were based on what David said, and others just came to me independent of what he said but were clearly related. I'll list them all and elaborate on some of them...

1. I don't have to figure anything out! Just trust and sink inwards beneath the thoughts in order to look at them. Nothing else to do...

2. Even making future plans is to make a bodily identity, and to make a bodily identity is to deny our True Identity. Future plans can still be made through me, but this is a very different kind of experience than making plans for the future to secure the body and it's paradigm. Personal planning is actually an attack on the Son of God, our true Identity.

3. Even to just be concerned about the future is to attack the Son of God.

4. Again... my purpose and function are IN THE MIND (not in the body).

5. Only the MIND is in need of salvation (not people). And it is salvaged ONLY through Peace. Peace requires that we listen to and follow only ONE Voice in our mind; the Voice of the Holy Spirit.

6. I am here to FORGIVE (and that is all)!

7. Love is content and not form of any kind. (this is a quote from the Course here (T-16.V.12.1)

8. Be like a turtle: just relax and go slow! Slow and steady is the way to return to God.

9. And finally, my favorite: If I'm not clear on what to do next, it's probably best to do nothing until I am. There's nothing that I need to do, for doing is never a cause in and of itself. It is always merely an effect of my purpose in mind, and it doesn't have any effects of its own (doing is never causative). My willingness to look within is ALL that is ever required, and all the appearances of "helpful doings" will merely arise out of this willingness automatically.


Summary

Overall, I feel like this retreat helped me open to a deeper experience of the metaphysical teachings Jesus has offered us in the Course; the dream-like nature of this world, the fact that it's all MIND, and that our little willingness to look at everything with Spirit is all that He's asking of us.

The turtle analogy has been coming in very strongly as well; to just relax and allow myself to go as slow as I need to feel steady and relaxed throughout. Of course, there are times when the Spirit will move through us very quickly in order to reduce the pain and fear (like pulling a band-aid off quickly instead of a torturous peeling), but this is under Christ's control and not our own. Willingness, again, is the only contribution we can make to His overall Plan.

And thank God! For if willingness is our only contribution, well then, our only job in each moment becomes to see how we are unwilling and to look at the underlying fears. Probably my favorite "technique" for transcending fear, which I've used and talked about many times over the years, is to ask myself, "What specifically am I afraid of right now?" I've found that just becoming aware of what I'm specifically afraid of and then asking Jesus for help with it brings me to a feeling of ultimate release.

So thanks so much for reading this and hopefully you got a few "nuggets" out of these notes. Keep in mind that these kind of online retreats are currently happening on the first weekend of every month, and the value they offer is truly priceless! Next month's theme will be "The Forgiven World" and you can learn about it (and other upcoming events) by clicking here. ❤️



Much love,
Erik